Spiritual Rebirth, Death Anniversary, and Spring

Twenty-two years ago today, I called my dad home from church to talk to me about my need for the Savior. He came immediately, and spent time with me on our couch and on our knees. I asked the Lord into my heart that day. :) <3

I don't believe that I will ever forget my dad praying over me that afternoon. In fact, I remember him praying with and over all of us from the time we were little. My daddy's prayers are one of the things I most miss in this world.

Tomorrow, he has been gone for one year.

Last year, it was bitterly cold and frosty as we drove north to tell his earthly vessel goodbye for the last time. It was pitch black, and the world felt icy and empty. We talked to him, wept on him, kissed him, stroked his arms and face, and told him everything we could think to say. I remember telling him over and over how proud of him I was:

The very picture of peace,
just four days before he
passed into Glory.

"You did so good, Dad. You did so good."

Maybe it is strange to tell someone that they did a good job dying. I don't know. All I know is that we witnessed him face ALS and death with bravery and more strength than I have personally ever seen in any other human being. The time spent with him that night was precious. It is a set of hours to which I return in my mind any time my heart is overwhelmed by his passing.

Inevitably, it was time to let him go for real. It is easy enough to say to the world that 'this is just a shell... the man himself is in Heaven'. Even so, this 'shell' showed me love for my entire life. Those big fingers are what I held as I learned to walk. That big lap bounced me on his knee. Those massive arms enfolded me into a lifetime of hugs. Those lips, now silent, spoke my wedding vows. That heartbeat... oh, how I miss listening to the deep, comforting thudding of his heart!

We stood around him one last time, Mom and the four of us. (Thank God for video phone technology!) I was at his head. It struck me that we couldn't let him leave without a prayer! I asked if we were going to pray and everyone said yes. As so many times in the past, silence (well... weeping... no speaking) fell over the room. It hit me that we were all waiting for it:

We were all waiting for Dad to begin to pray.

The thought utterly broke my heart. I didn't know what else to do, so I began to pray. We thanked the Lord for this man and for the life he lived. We thanked Dad for his walk with the Lord and his testimony. To be honest, I am not sure what else I said. I know that it felt inadequate. I remember not wanting to stop praying. I knew that they would take him and he would be officially gone after. That night was both incredibly hard and incredibly beautiful. I will never forget how cold and stark it was that night.

Imagine our surprise the next day, when Mom and I opened her front door to balmy weather and buds on the trees! Spring had suddenly burst into life! The juxtaposition seemed to perfectly mirror what was happening in our lives! The noticeable change from the dark of winter to a sudden boom of spring reflected the way that Dad's spirit left his body of death, and rose to life everlasting in Heaven with Jesus, our Lord and Savior. <3 <3 <3

Dad Smiled Just for Me

This year, we are again in great pain. In some ways, it is like Dad is about to die all over again... we just know which day this time. In other ways, we look forward to tomorrow, eager to overcome yet another post-Dad milestone. We mostly look forward with hope. For, as last year, it has been snowy this week leading into the one-year anniversary of my dad's Heaven date. We have spent some time feeling dark and broody, in spite of our best efforts to live life happily.

Tomorrow maybe, just maybe, spring will bloom all over again.

Whenever it does come, we are ready. We are here, one year later. We still love our Lord and look forward to serving Him more fully. Our hearts are still with God and with getting into church. We continue to work towards happiness and the peace and contentment that my dad displayed right to the very end.

Overnight at 12:37 a.m., we will cross the one year mark of my dad's passing. We will step into a day which we intend to use to celebrate him and to honor God.

We love and miss you, Dad! This year has been hard, but we have made it through! We sure cannot wait to see you again! <3 <3