Throw-Away Christianity

I cannot help but notice how deeply Christian families struggle to accept LGBTQ+ friends or family members. News items of interest are never shared by the families I know who are struggling, yet I see it all around me. These matters are spoken quietly and discreetly. It is common enough that I would dare to say that most of us have family members or friends in the LGBTQ+ community by now. The world is so beautifully diverse. <3 Why are Christians still hiding 'in the closet' on behalf of their loved ones? We should be well past the time when we couldn't openly discuss these matters. More than just discuss them, we should be able to communicate freely in a way that is not punitive.

I know some of that internal struggle comes from the pressure people know they will face if their loved one is 'found out' by other Christians. Frankly, this sincerely breaks my heart. One shouldn't feel pressure from their faith community to hide away or outright reject loved ones, especially in this day and age.

I sometimes want to ask, "Don't you know that *we* are the ones who can change that?" It isn't as hard as it is made out to be! Christian families shouldn't be afraid to 'come out' with a loved one. They should already be on the 'love your neighbor' side of the fence! When a person chooses to share who they are, it should not be a crisis. The Christian reaction is supposed to be one of love and compassion. It is not supposed to be about rejection.

Perhaps these are not popular thoughts among very legalistic religious circles. That's okay. I don't care anymore. I am so tired of hiding my own compassion when compassion and understanding were always supposed to have been the norm. It needs to be said, perhaps repeatedly, until everyone lives it effortlessly: If your loved ones are living lifestyles you disagree with, it doesn't change a single thing about your faith. It doesn't change a single thing about your God. It doesn't change your mandate to love, and should in no way change your relationship with or attitude towards them.

I am so very through being associated with "throw-away" Christians. You know the type. If you do not agree with them, toss! You're gone. If you are found "in sin", toss! You're gone! If your family member commits adultery, has premarital sex, or comes out in any way, shape, or form that goes against what they view as acceptable - flip! Out the door with all of you! I would refer to them as kick-you-when-you're-down Christians. The very same people who God says are on the earth to lift one another up! These misguided persons are otherwise invested in slashing one another to ribbons under the guise of 'iron sharpeneth iron'. It is exhausting. It is sickening. It is wrong. Haven't we had enough?

I have known hundreds, if not thousands, of them. I came from them. I was them, and I genuinely thought that I was a loving person. I just happened to love everyone enough to tell them how wrong they were. Ugh.

Eventually, as a young adult, none of it sat right with me. I worked hard to distance myself, but I didn't speak up. I was still timid, afraid. I have so thoroughly been taught fear by the same people who teach that perfect love casts out all fear. There are countless examples of 'truth in love' hate speech that I could pull from my own life, from the lives of friends, and from so very many people in the tightly-wound Christian groups I used to be part of on Facebook back when we first joined. I joined a lighter version (I thought) a few years back and *still* found mountains of backbiting, mocking behavior. They feed each other like cancer.

(Maybe I should thank that last set. Their horrifying racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, and in general evil, angry, "tough love" hatred of all persons who did not believe down the line what they do is what shocked me into the reality that we simply cannot get away with this anymore. I wanted all the way out!)

I digress.

I will be honest, I have repeatedly put off writing this blog over the years. The irony is not lost to me that I was afraid on some level to write 'out loud' that I disagree with the religion I grew up in on this matter and others. I felt that I would be thrown away by too many people who used to be influential in my life.

In reality, I can now say with confidence to those who maybe do still feel that people deserve to be rejected or ignored for what you perceive to be sinful:

Throw me in the toss pile, as well. I belong there, and I will be just fine without you.

I am well aware of the scriptures people cling to when throwing away their loved ones like so much trash. I could quote them just as fast as anyone who chooses to use them to disagree with my stance. I did not arrive at this conclusion for a lack of reading or understanding the Bible.

I believe that we choose to focus more heavily on different parts. For one, regardless of what you believe counts as sin, Christ died for it. For another, regardless of what you feel makes you personally a sinner by association (that's another rant entirely), Christ says to love the Lord your God and to love your neighbor as yourself. These are, as we all know, the two greatest commandments. Loving the people around you is not a threat to God. Beyond that, you are not innocent either. Remember, *all* have sinned.

In my life, that "all" starts with me.

1 Timothy 1:15 "This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief."

 

If you identify as a Christian it starts with you, too.

If you read this with an open heart and find that you are presently struggling with silence and shame on behalf of 'the church', give yourself permission to stop worrying and start living freely in Christ's footsteps. Be the person you are afraid that others will reject. Be that compassion, that light! Shine in darkness by not being the judge and jury over someone else's life. Don't be afraid to keep loving your family member or friend. Don't leave them out of daily life or gatherings. Keep on loving them. Keep on embracing them. Remember the "cast the first stone" principle and, like the accusers in the Bible, walk away from the need to punish someone else. That is not your job. You are not the Holy Spirit.

We cannot change things that we keep hidden and quiet. We cannot make the world better if we do not all actively engage in conversation and in making said changes. The church is supposed to be the safest place of all. When Jesus ravaged the temple for being misused, He walked out the door and right back among sinners. It took nothing but love, compassion, and understanding to show the way by example. Why is this such a hard concept for us to mimic? How have we so deeply entrenched ourselves in Pharisaical religious tradition that we would rather protect it than simply live how we are commanded to live? God did not create this throw-away Christianity. We did.

People who think rejection is a form of showing love baffle me. This is not how Jesus lived. We can do better. We must do better. If you have an out and proud family member, don't whisper about them in secret. Love them openly.