Thoughts on "Comfort"

I think one of the least helpful things we Christians can do is to when it comes to the loss of loved ones is to tell each other that the body is 'no longer your loved one' because that person is now in Heaven. Bear with me a second and hear me out, please.

I am a Baptist pastor's daughter. I understand as well as anyone why saying that is *supposed* to be helpful. I really do. I heard this a lot when my dad died and, frankly, I cannot bear it. It is no longer a go-to cliche phrase that I inflict on anyone else. I also believe whole-heartedly that my dad *is* in Heaven and that I *will* see his glorified self someday.

That is beside the point. Why? His physical body had the arms that held me close more times than I can count, the knees I sat on, and the heart I used to listen to thumping. It had the big, strong hands that helped me learn to walk, tossed me into the air for fun, checked for bruises when I fell or wiped away tears when I cried. Every good and kind word was spoken from those lips: countless prayers in the middle of the night - even as an adult who called from miles away, waking him from sleep bc I needed that prayer support.

I found after my dad died that I wanted more than anything for the well-intentioned "that's not him" crowd to just back off and let me grieve! It does not threaten God's eternal nature to grieve the loss of the physical person. It no way negates the existence of what we refer to as Heaven to allow tears to spill over the arms that cradled you as a baby and which *are* now forever missing from this world.

You want to comfort someone, truly? Tell them that it is okay to grieve and then hold space for whatever that looks like. God is not unseated from His throne if we miss the man who nurtured us through life in this world.

Grief is not a declaration of defiance against God's plan. It is not a rejection of the notion that eternal life exists with a chance to get to know one another again in a new way. It is an expression of love, nothing more.

Even knowing that He would raise Lazarus from the dead, the man Jesus Christ took time to express profound sorrow over the loss of His friend.

If you miss your love one - the once real, physical representation of them - I validate that grief, and I will sit with you through it without judgement and without trying to take it away. The only way through it, after all, is through it.

I am sending my love, wherever you are on your journey.