Living in the Past

    I heard somewhere recently that people who still talk about events that happened to them years ago are either stuck in the past or are doing so for attention. I find that to be a narrow-minded and ultimately negative assessment.

    Take me, for example. I am one such person. I make a point of talking about experiences that my husband and I went through long ago - although not for nefarious or ego-driven reasons. I do so because those exact same events are still happening to people today. For those people, the trauma is fresh. It is *right now* and they need someone to see them. Isolation happens when you cannot find someone to identify with or are too vulnerable to put yourself out there. Often, people in the midst of trauma don't even know how to look for help. Simply surviving has taken every fiber of their being.

    I would one thousand times rather put my story out there and be misunderstood if it means reaching someone in the darkness and giving them a safe place to turn. This is how I feel about using my birth story with my eldest. Even people in my own circle are still having babies. Some know me well, some I have met more recently. When I tell our story, it gives someone permission to give a voice to what they are going through. It also gives them a resource for companionship.

    By working in the arena of birth trauma I live in the dark, yes. But I am there because new people are showing up every day and need a hand back out into the light. Until we make birth safe for everyone, there will always be this need. Isolation can be lethal. I cannot turn a blind eye to this.

    The same can be said of living with anxiety and depression. *Someone* has to spot it and sit with those who find themselves there. My husband's lovely cousin once did this for me well over a decade ago. She passed recently: such a loss.

    Further, God is not threatened by Christians who struggle with depression, anxiety, PTSD, or any other mental illness. On the contrary, He is close to those who are brokenhearted. I think that sometimes people forget that struggling with something is not the same as surrendering to it. Every person's journey is unique. It is high time we recognize and validate that. Equally, struggling with mental health doesn't mean that that is *all* a person does.

    There is enough pain in the world without walking around making sweeping declarations. If the most you can see of someone is their perceived failings and your response is to call those out rather than try to help,

1. You're missing out on getting to know someone truly and deeply. I am acquainted with many people who suffer from anxiety, whether mild or crippling. I couldn't imagine seeing them only for their most vulnerable attribute.

2. It is a severe red flag about your own character. Narcissists, for example, operate daily in the realm of reducing people to their worst perceived flaw. This is neither healthy for the assessor or the assessee. Don't be that person.

    It is so important to try not to invalidate someone's journey with carelessly chosen words. Beyond the obvious, they may be doing work you cannot even see. <3