Head's up: my post is going to feel preachy. This meme is everywhere I look this week. It sounds good, but it also makes me cringe. The first line especially oozes with the self-loathing-rich religion on which I was raised. Do you know what I mean? The training that makes you hate yourself deeply, and then causes other Christians to ask why you struggle with confidence and self-esteem? (By 'ask' I mean look down on, deride, and judge you for.) Of course, the answer is never that you were taught wrong. It is claimed instead that you are being immature, underdeveloped, and are being selfish.
Snap-judgment lack of empathy is possibly the single-largest trait I see among my supposedly 'more spiritual' peers. Those who are in the highest of leadership roles become jaded. Having been a pastor's daughter and an evangelist's wife, I understand how that happens. I have deep sympathy for the dark things spiritual leaders and their families go through behind the scenes. I only wish that those things would create softer hearts, not callouses.
If the only advice you can give someone who is suffering is that they are somehow being self-centered (by not focusing on God and others), you are part of the problem. This is partially why I remain adamant that spiritual leaders are *not* adequate counselors unless they have been trained in more than just applying guilt and shame-laden spiritual bandaids. I digress.
Back to the image in question. What does the Bible say about these thoughts in a more thorough way? What is the long answer to each accusation? (After all, the self-help comments *are* accusations. Did you catch that?) What is the context?
Self-help: You are enough.
Scripture: Come to God exactly as you are. You are already worthy of His love. At no point in the Bible does it say that you are not enough. Yes, He is enough. His finished work on the cross is everything. Absolutely. God Almighty is the greatest. Even so, you don't have to change before you can find Him. What's more, you couldn't if you tried.
Religion wants to remind you that you are unworthy and undeserving. God Himself assures us through Scripture that He found you worthy and deserving of His love, His life, His blood, and His eternity. The Lord beckons, "Come."
Matthew 11:28 - Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Isaiah 55:1 - Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.
John 3:16 - For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
Scripture says that whosoever believeth. How about we leave the toxic shaming off of this? God never meant to draw perfect people to the cross, because there is no such thing. Your sin is undeserving, but your self - your person - was worth dying for. Your identity is not found in your sin! You *are* enough that even by existing, you were worthy of God's love, Christ's life, and His redemptive death. Indeed, you were worthy of being created in the first place. You *are* enough, and God Himself thought so.
In the same way that you would not look at your newborn child and say, "You are worth nothing on your own, but my love makes you valuable." God doesn't say that to you. I don't understand the penchant we Christians have of wanting to make sure each other knows how utterly worthless we are. It does not threaten the Almighty nature of God to admit that we have value. He, in fact, indicated such Himself.
As a Father, God looks at us and says, "I have loved you since the beginning of time. I want you with me for all of eternity. I can offer you the strength you need to exist in this painful world. Accept my love. Accept my help. Be strong and of good courage." Why on earth, then, are we hell-bent on focusing on our unrighteousness over His all-consuming love? It baffles me.
Must we acknowledge our unrighteousness? Yes. Should we then live under the burden and shame of it? Unequivocally not.
Self-Help: Believe in yourself.
Scripture: Deny yourself. Believe in God.
This one is biblically sound, which is great. What it fails to mention is that these two concepts (self-help and Scripture) do not conflict. God is the greatest source of strength for believers.
Luke 9:23-24 - And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me.
Denying ourselves is an important part of the Christian walk. That doesn't mean that we should ignore the next part - 'take up his cross daily, and follow me'. Friends, that is a verb: it takes action! Taking up one's cross and following after Christ involves self-sacrifice AND self-help! Leaning on those everlasting arms equips you with the strength and knowledge that you *can* do/be/act in whatever way you need to, to keep that spiritual life growing.
Isaiah 41:10 - Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
This is an example of God supporting us so that we can accomplish our actions.
2 Corinthians 12:9 - And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
Don't be afraid to admit your weaknesses. Don't be afraid to do the work, to strive to do better. By all means, work to improve yourself: but lean on the Savior as you go.
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
I included this verse because it is one I love to claim personally. :)
Ephesians 6:10 - Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might.
Are you weak on your own? Lean on Him. Take on His strength, power, and might. It is available to you.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
We see this theme repeated in the Bible: our actions are bolstered directly through His strength. The two are meant to be in harmony. I can do ALL things!
God is not afraid to acknowledge the efforts of man. We are *so* afraid to allow ourselves a modicum of recognition, for fear of man's pride, that we go completely the opposite direction. We create a mindset of helplessness and toxic shame that God Himself never called for. His compassionate reaction of leaning into our weakness is nearly always followed up with a reminder that we are made strong. This Scriptural balance of give and take is *so* important for mental health in Christians. It cannot be overstated.
Hebrews 4:16 - Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.
There are many more reminders than just the few I have listed. Believing in God does not mean that you do not believe in yourself, whatsoever. If anything, it is why you can find strength and confidence. The two are not meant to conflict: they are meant to harmonize.
Religion likes to remind you that you are helpless, when it should remind you that you are supported.
You have an untapped well of strength, founded in the Father. Don't be afraid of looking to Him and calling on Him in those times of self-doubt. You *are* bolstered. You *are* loved. You *are* so valuable in your weakest moments that He chose death on the cross, rather than the thought of losing you for eternity. He didn't die because you're worthless. You are worth so much to Christ.
Self-Help: Follow your heart.
Scripture: You need a new heart. Follow Jesus.
Jeremiah 17:9 - The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
Psalms 51:10 - Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.
Hebrews 4:12 - For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.
Ezekiel 36:26 - A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh.
Proverbs 3:5-6 - Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Psalms 34:18 - The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.
James 4:8 - Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double-minded.
1 Timothy 1:5 - Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:
Jeremiah 17:10 - I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
Again, we have thoughts that should harmonize rather than conflict. You can see where I am going, right? The heart is inclined to deceit. It is in our human nature to do what is selfish. The Bible does not stop there, so the quote should not have stopped there, either.
Your baseline sinful state is not the end of the story.
Thanks to the cross and the personal relationship with Jesus, you get a *new* heart: a *clean* heart. As a Christian, you should be operating from that clean-heart place. This is why we say to stay in the Scriptures: to renew our hearts and mind as often as possible. If your heart is securely in Christ, you should have every expectation that the Holy Spirit dwelling within you will lead your heart correctly.
Self-Help: Live your truth
Scripture: Jesus is the truth. He is life.
You can find a hundred verses about Jesus being the truth and the life without even batting an eye. This is a fundamental premise of our faith. A personal favorite is:
John 14:6
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
Again, I believe this ties in with operating from that new-heart place. If you want to live in purity, in truth, and in life it has to happen *through* Christ.
I don't know about you, but I find it very discouraging to watch my fellow believers focus so intensely on how bad, wrong, negative, deceitful, and otherwise generally awful we are. I find it discouraging because it is already so deeply embedded in my soul: people are bad. People are sinners. People will hurt and betray one another. People are awful, awful, awful.
Haven't we had enough of that already? Isn't it high time we encourage one another in the Lord, and not just "sharpen iron" through criticism and use of Scripture as a weapon? Is there anyone who has experience with religion who doesn't also bear this tremendous burden of guilt and shame?
If we have already accepted the gift of salvation; if we are already living the faith and walking the walk, shouldn't there be room in there to also uplift one another?
I *am* a negative Christian. I *am* exactly the product of posts like the one in the photo. I am shame-ridden, guilt-focused, and oftentimes stuck in my own worthlessness. My peers would have you believe that this is a weakness in me - a flaw that I through sin have created. I posit that I am exactly who I was trained to be. I heard spoken in every sermon three times a week in my formative years and all of my life to this point that I am base-level wicked, undeserving, unrighteous, the filthy rags of God's tool chest, and deserving *only* of hell.
God never said that, though, did He? He said my *sin* was deserving of death. He said that I the human being am *loved* and that I am *worth dying for* because He *wants fellowship with me*. Oh, how different would my outlook be, if instead of my worthlessness I had been emphasized HIS WORTHINESS!!
Even today, some would argue that it was emphasized correctly but my corrupt heart warped it. This breaks me on some level. I do not wish to think horrible things about myself. I do not wish to have an unjust and incorrect image of God caused by self-loathing. This isn't just a "me" thing, because the way I was taught God's love was always encapsulated in my unworthiness. For crying out loud, blaming and shaming me for having the wrong mindset when adults chose to pass that on to me accomplishes the exact same thing. Why does nobody see that? "YOU are SUCH A SINNER. YOU ALWAYS GET EVERYTHING WRONG! BAD YOU. SHAME ON YOU."
I take full responsibility for my outlook as an adult. I am responsible for unlearning the lies and for raising myself in the truth. I may acknowledge what was taught to me incorrectly while still holding myself accountable. Why is that so hard for everyone else? Why must it always come back down to continued shaming?
I cannot keep living like God's personal trash can. I cannot keep watching 'righteous' people share memes meant to hold one another under the burden of shame, and not say something.
There is a proponent of self-help in Scripture. God *wants* you to find strength in Him. God *wants* you to go forward and do exploits. God *wants* your actions, your words, your thoughts. Indeed, Scripture is to be the inspiration source for everything. We freely admit that we cannot do these things in our own power, but this does not mean that we are a zero-value part of the equation. Self-help is *not* a threat to God Almighty. Working through His strength to improve the way we view the world, each other, and ourselves is not in conflict with His commandments.
Shame does not equal humility.
Humility expands the heart and infuses empathy into an otherwise uncaring world.
Shame binds with toxic cords.
These two things are not equal. Our focus on shaming with Scripture is not education. It stems from a deep mistrust of mankind. If we are honest, it also displays a lack of trust in the God we purport to believe in above all else. You cannot know someone's heart. You can barely know your own. This is why we *have* to trust that He is working within the hearts and lives of others.
There are no 'good Christian' police. It is high time we stop behaving as if there are. Tell the story, but when you tell it, don't focus on our unworthiness: focus on the miracle that God through Christ Jesus brings into every life He touches. Remind your brothers and sisters that they *are* loved, they *are* capable of working with Him to grow, and they *are* worthy of His goodness. Christ died to remove our sins. Why on earth do we insist on focusing on how bad it made us, instead of how clean He makes us?
Sanctification is an ongoing process, best served by encouragement. Be strengthened in the Lord. Applying scripture to one's life is the best form of self-help out there. It *does* take personal effort. God is *not* threatened by your hard work. Just lean, lean, lean on Him as you go.
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