"Playing the Victim"

I have been reading a lot about people who have come out of abusive religious situations. I believe it needs to be repeated that people recovering from toxic ideals that were enforced as religious mandates are *not* being "victims" when they are openly honest about the abuse they've suffered. Rather, they are victors who now stand strong enough to call out wrong.

Many in my generation were raised under a veil of silence. "Don't harm the church. Don't harm the 'man of God'. God didn't harm you: people harmed you. Do NOT talk about it or you will harm the good people who are left. You are hurting God if you are honest about abuse in His churches!"

I have said it before, calling out sin and crime in the church is the *only* way Christianity has even a modicum of hope to regain any decency. This continuing onslaught of gossip and condemnation spewing out against people who dare to leave only demonstrates the deepening need for purging in God's houses.

A church that has to work to earn back a good reputation after outing a bad person has a head start if they are open and honest. A church that hides the deeds of a disgusting human being - or worse, a criminal - under the guise of 'forgiveness' becomes an accomplice.

Do not mistake God's forgiveness for the necessary justice required by law.

If a person has committed fraud, embezzlement, or some kind of immorality (against children or other adults, for example), they must be held accountable by the legal standards of the day. God may forgive the soul, but He is also very clear about following the law.

Church members who vilify those who have left their denomination or even just their specific church building only further prove the toxic nature that made leaving necessary. I have witnessed time and again the way people are ripped to shreds. I have seen gossip spread and cause. Shoot, we were the target of this, ourselves. I do not speak this out of hurt feelings. Any feelings I have on the matter are long gone. All that remains is a passion to see people in similar situations freed and supported.

All of this is done in the guise of the 'righteous' discussing the 'fallen'. It is vicious and ugly. Make no mistake, it is sinful. When the church no longer matches God's plan for His people, it is *not* the place to find spiritual growth.

If you've found yourself leaving a denomination and under fire by the 'good' people, please remember that they do not speak for God. Whether or not they can see that you are running towards Him, not away from Him doesn't matter. Compassionate children of the Almighty would not behave this way. It is better to find a fold of flawed sheep than to forever remain in a den of wolves in sheep's clothing.

Empty Shoes/One Month

At five in the morning, the house is always perfectly still. Yesterday, I was in the dark browsing my phone before beginning a busy day. Out of nowhere, it hit: the mental image of your house shoes, sitting empty. I pictured them as I had last seen them, in the hospital by your bed.

"All of her little shoes are now empty."

The thought sucked the breath out of me and grief thudded its crushing weight on my chest like a herd of elephants. My gosh, you're so very gone! 

I was so afraid your shoes had been left behind when you died, but they haven't. Big Sis has them. I asked her for this lovely photo and she graciously obliged. This image will replace the sadder one in my memory of the hospital the day we said goodbye. I am so grateful to you and  Dad for starting our family with such a quality person. I have found myself hanging onto her for dear life.

We went to the orchard today, my little family of four. You know the one: *our* orchard. The one you, Dad, Jim, Karen, Baby Sis, and I first went to one happy afternoon in 2001. On the ride down today, it struck me that only Baby Sis and I are left alive from our original group. That joyous afternoon blossomed into our annual pilgrimages to document the girls' growth in the chestnut trees.

I am heartsick that we have been without you for an entire month already. It is such a sad occasion to mark on such a special and precious day, but that is life, isn't it? It is death itself that makes the lives we have so incredibly dear. The memories we are making with our children were born in traditions started with you and Dad. How fleeting are these moments! 

So today I celebrate my children and the ways they have grown, inside and out even as today I grieve for you, for Dad, and for the years I feel somewhat cheated out of. 

Every thought, sad or happy, brings me back to the Savior and the overwhelming sense that He is good. 

Thank you, Lord, for giving me the parents I had. Thank you for the time we spent together creating the memories that will have to sustain us. I am so grateful that Dad and Mom are up there celebrating with joyful abandon in the most precious of places. Comfort us as we hold them here in our hearts. Help us to create and carry forward their legacy of loving and serving you. Answer the prayers spoken by lips that no longer utter, and also those we who remain speak over our own children. In your holy name, I pray. Amen.