Another Thursday :)

I have been mulling a lot lately. :) 

Mulling about life, mulling about finances, mulling about how to spend time, mulling about schooling my children at home... 

I remember when every decision I made was impulsive, and wonder at what age I quit just winging it. Not that I mind. Life takes more introspection and purpose-searching now than it used to. 

I've also been mulling over my religious views and what the Bible says about them. This is important, too, so I am mulling these things over with special care. From around 2010 to 2012 I was in the same process, and it was a time of immense spiritual growth in my life. I am open to that, and even look forward to it more. 

So, today when Facebook is covered with 'Throwback Thursday' photos, I find myself having more of a "thinky" Thursday. :) 

I sure love these little ones in my care. :) I sure love my husband. I sure enjoy this life when I really take time to evaluate it. I sure love schooling my babies at home. I sure love religious freedom. I sure love my Savior. :)

Whatever your Thursday holds, I wish you some joy. <3

Who is my neighbor?

This question from Luke 10 has been all over my heart this morning: Lord, who is my neighbor? While browsing along that topic line, I found an article that had this to say:

"But in this story Jesus says that our neighbors are especially those people who ignore us, those people who separate themselves from us, those people who are afraid of us, those people we have the most difficulty loving and those people we feel don’t love us. These are our neighbors. In Matthew 5:46 Jesus says, “If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?” Anybody can do that.

Christianity doesn’t require any power when its only challenge is to do something that already comes naturally. But it will take a powerful gospel—a gospel with guts—to enable us to love across all the barriers we erect to edify our own kind and protect us from our insecurities.

How are you answering this question to your children— and to the world?

Maybe the question is not being asked in words, but believe me, it’s being asked. Maybe you are not answering in words, but you are answering—if not in words, then surely in deeds. As the old saying goes, “Our lives speak so loudly that the world can’t hear what we are saying.”

Jesus said our witness, our credibility to the world, is demonstrated by our love for each other. There is no greater witness to the genuineness of our gospel.."  ~Spencer Perkins       

(Link to his full article here)

So, who is YOUR neighbor? Who do you disagree with the most, find the most unpleasant, or even disgusting? Whose life or lifestyle do you find the most against God? Who would you avoid, given the choice? A homeless person? A tattoo-and-piercing-riddled man? A pregnant teen smoking outside of a store? Someone with less money than you who doesn't fit your social standard? Someone with more money than you, and who you deem doesn't deserve it? Someone of a different race? A set of two moms or dads at the park with their child? The drunk sleeping off a hangover in the ally by the local bar? The harried mother in the grocery store with one child pitching a fit in the cart and another two or three wreaking havoc on the aisles around her? A person of a different religion - or worse, a person of the same religion as yours but who doesn't share every single standard you hold dear? Someone (or everyone) of differing political conviction? At whom are you looking down your nose? 

That person is your neighbor. 

That person is someone God sent and commands you to love and be compassionate towards, even above people you already enjoy naturally. 

My point being that if you are a Christian and believe the Bible, emphasis on loving our neighbors is important. You can disagree with a person to the very core of your being, but you must, MUST show them the love and compassion commanded of you by God. 

Charity is a verb. Charity requires action. I disagree with many things in this world, but not enough to hate the person I disagree with. If my life doesn't reflect a recognition and compassion towards my neighbors, I have failed half of the two greatest commandments. If God were using a grade scale, that is an F. 

The Good Samaritan story is about so much more than an injured man. It is a life lesson, meant to take us outside of our boxes and into our discomfort zone to show the real love of God. 

Christianity that is self-serving is good to no one. Snobbery and holier-than-thou sanctimony says nothing of God and everything in the world about our inability to follow His commandments towards our fellow man. May we always locate and love our neighbors as God loved us and as we love ourselves.

An Open Letter to my Koala

My Dear Little Koala, 

     You, my little dear, have turned your mother into a rule-breaker. :) Things I would NEVER do in my quest to be a good mommy have all gone by the way. You know... things like baby talk, co-sleeping, holding 'too much'. All of those ways we are taught to keep ourselves appropriately separate from our offspring (how insane is that) have all gone out the window. :) In fact, it started the day that you were born. 

     When you joined the family I stayed up for three days straight just so I could hold you, as the hospital had a policy of not allowing mommies to co-sleep. I laid in the hospital bed propped up, with you laying on your belly up against my chest and I just breathed you in. Our hearts beat together and brought me peace. I never had to worry that you would die in the night because I counted every breath those early days. :) Your birth gave us the gift of hearing a baby's first cry. The gift of a hospital stay. The gift of giving your big sister, our Giraffe, everything she wanted most in the world. When we got home and Daddy thought maybe I should put you down sometimes I said,

     "Daddy, we are koalas. You wouldn't take a baby koala off of its momma, would you?"

     You also had the advantage of coming into the world being cherished, adored, and longed for by more than just a set of parents. You came into the world of a sister who had prayed for you and asked for you for four years herself. (She started asking for you at the age of three!) She wants to give you the world as much as we do, and so we spoil you. 

     About those broken rules, don't worry. :) Daddy and I were seven years older, ten years into our marriage, and very settled into ourselves. We don't have the pressure or fear of damaging your independence by meeting your needs. In fact, we can see you gain independence as you grow already. We are so proud!

     Oh, little one. You are eighteen months old, with just about that many teeth. You sleep with us through the night, though no longer chest to chest. You laugh, and sing, and frown, and smile this adorable snarl of a smile. (That is the smile you save especially for "cheese" - pictures!) You have a load of spunk and spirit, and the energy to match. You spend the day wrecking... something! Everything! hehe From the living room to the bedrooms, or even the classroom, you just don't stop. 

  

     I just want to thank you for the chaos you've added to our lives. We were comfortable and settled, and now we are chaotic and chasing, and it is a beautiful thing! :) I do not know who you are yet, per se, but I so look forward to continuing this journey of getting to know you. You are a light to all three of us, and we wouldn't trade you for the entire world. :) I love you, my wee darling! <3

Happy Valentine's Day!

An Open Letter to my Giraffe

My Dear Giraffe,

     I always intend to sit down and write you a letter, yet for some reason it seems the hardest thing to actually do. There are too many words, too many thoughts, and too many emotions to fit neatly into a letter. Yet, to simply say "I love you." wouldn't be nearly enough. 

     How do I convey that I still see in your blue eyes the sweet, sweet girl who made me mommy? 

     How do I communicate all of the angst and struggle in the three years that led up to having you, or the way the emotional pain we had been through was soothed away in a single breath?

     From the day we saw the positive pregnancy test, you were my entire heart and priority. The world has never looked the same, and I am so thankful that it never will. We knew you were a girl, and even though we'd been through some losses, we called around the family immediately to let you know that you were on your way! It hurt to hear people tell us to be cautious because I KNEW that firmly that you were here and were sticking around! :)

     For a very sweet seven years you were my sole focus. I was able to place my arms around you any time I wanted, and if you needed mommy you had my undivided attention. We had an idyllic existence and an unbroken partnership all day every day. You still bring me this kind of joy. <3

     I remember July of 2012, watching you color on my very pregnant belly with dry erase markers while your new baby sister rolled and kicked beneath the felt tip. I was thinking (with a lump in my throat) that these were our last precious days together as just you and me, and I admit, even in that joyous time of adding to our family the sister you had so longed for, I felt a twinge of loss. 

     Eighteen months later I sometimes still experience that same twinge - not that we have actually lost some of ourselves, but a twinge of longing to hold you a little more often... a little longer. I suppose that all children grow a little further away from their mothers, and this knowledge makes me treasure even more the time that we do spend together. Those seven years, rich with Mommy and Giraffe time were the best. :) :) :) 

     Today was just a little bit rough. You've become more emotional the last few months. I am told with a laugh that it is the approach of the 'tween' years, and that we're just going to love it. lol Even though we have had those heartfelt talks lately about how it is okay to be emotional, and how we handle those new bouts of emotion, it is still hard on my mother's heart to see you feel sad - even if it is over something as silly as picking up your things when you'd rather be daydreaming in your room or playing with hermit crabs. :) 

     So, please let me apologize. I am sorry for griping at you after I had to repeat myself yet again to keep you focused on the task at hand. I so do not want to waste these fleeting years micro-managing your budding housekeeping skills and other behaviors. It is my job to see to it that you can take care of yourself, but some days I get a little lost in the doing. This afternoon was one of those times. Please accept my sincere apology. Not only the one I already offered this afternoon, but should you read this some day and remember a mom who griped too much... well, I truly am very sorry. 

    You really are my giraffe, you know. I get that we chose that theme for the little Koala when she came along, but you took a liking to it, and it suits you so well. I see you get taller and I think of your elegant frame as the slender neck of a giraffe. Your movements are graceful, as are theirs. Your eyes hold a peace and depth like giraffe eyes do. 

     Whatever happens in life, you are now and forever the girl who made me 'mom'. You are my very heart and soul, and I breathe for your happiness. I have never forgotten the broken baby in the incubator in the NICU. I've never forgotten the unhappy infant at the PT's office for therapy on your Erb's Palsy injury. Neither have I forgotten the so-blonde little two year old who brought endless delight to all around her, or the three year old dancing on her daddy's feet to Cinderella. All of those precious versions of my girl (and a million others), and somehow she has become this lovely, wise little giraffe, still taking in the world but also asserting her wish to be involved in making it better. 

    I am so proud of you. I am so moved by you. I am so in love with you. 

<3 Happy Valentine's Day <3

Winter Blues

Ah, the long days of winter. 

After the absolutely horrifying drought we had in 2012 I swore that I would not complain about the snow – which is so necessary to prevent another summer dry spell. I do not complain about it that much anyway because, get this, I am aware of the fact that I live in the northern United States! lol

This year, however, is testing my limits. I tend to keep my kiddos away from group activities during the brunt of flu season, and I tend to stay in when there is more ice than traction, aaaand I tend to enjoy the wintery white from the view out my window or play days in the yard. All of those things add up to some serious cabin fever! lol 

So this year – this fresh, crisp, brand-spanking-new 2014 has consisted mostly of talk about “polar vortex” and trying to freeze-proof the house against the sub-zero temps the vortex brings.

Today calls for something different, though. Some more motion than we’ve been getting.

Perhaps a dance party to oldies? That is ALWAYS a fave! I’m sure we knock a little white dust off of the roof with our near-yell volume singing along. 

Maybe today calls for a water fight in the bathtub!  Nothing makes the kiddos happier than splashing the entire room and soaking their mother with watery antics. 

We could always have a 2 minute anything goes jump on the bed party.  Those are a big hit, too, especially when the two littles go bouncing and rolling when Mommy takes a turn. 

Whatever this day calls for – be it a mini-marathon set up around the living room and down the hall, or a speed round of hip hop dancing, or even noisy karaoke in the living room – it calls for some life. 

What do you do on those cold, dreary, it-has-been-too-long wintery days?

A Different Way of Thinking

As my smallest ‘little’ grows and changes into what seems to me to be a very independent little person, I find that I am still getting the feedback that I need to practice having her away from me. It comes harmlessly enough – never rudely – but the underlying message is still the same. She is too dependent on me. It would be good for us both to get away from each other.

I have a thought or two on the matter.

First, although I do not care for labels, one that might be used at the moment for my baby is ‘shy’.

I have not experienced this before, but it is a fact that cannot be denied. She is in full blossom around home and her closest family members. When I babysit, she is in full blossom around her little friends or cousins. She will play in the church nursery around other children, but only after she’s spent the morning service staring quietly out of her big blue eyes, assessing the situation. She will hop down immediately to play in the waiting room at the doctor’s office or any other kid-oriented play space – as long as no non-family adults look at or try to play with her.

Bring other adults into the room that she doesn’t know or hasn’t seen as often, and she stands very still, looking mostly at the floor. In about thirty minutes, sometimes less (depending on the time of day), she warms up a little. She plays around them but not with them. Any bit of communication or eye contact will send her back into her doe-like ‘if I stay still they may not see me’ pose.

I find this endearing!  I know what the onlookers do not: this is not her “normal” disposition. This is her social disposition, but it is not who she is or what her regular personality is.

Mornings are even more quiet and awkward, because she is a night owl and very off-kilter in the a.m. She’ll likely be in the doe pose AND pressed tightly against my legs, holding herself in a quiet defense pose against a too-early world.

But maybe her silence is okay. Maybe, just maybe, it is alright for this to be her tiny way to warm up to and cope in a very big world.

From what the doctor says, and from what I glean in the many parenting materials on the subject, if you take the parenting by instincts approach that we do, she is going to be just fine. The fact that she does warm up is a good thing. She may appear shy for now, yes, but not painfully. 

This warming up process is important to her emotional development and budding sense of security. I am supportive of that. There is no reason to take her to a daycare provider I do not need in a car I do not have and force her to be separate “for her own good”.

While we do live in a generation that sees children as an annoyance that must be scheduled or managed around one’s own life; I have the sense that these children are my gifts and my treasures. I have no need or desire to be away from them on a regular basis. I laugh when I think of how over-cautioned we were about our previously only child. (How I hate that term!)

“Don’t give her the things she wants – you’ll spoil her!”
“Make sure you take her to outside classes and places, or she’ll never have friends!”
“Homeschooling? How is she ever going to learn to be social?”

All of the fears other individuals projected into our home turned out to be unfounded. She is my bright and social butterfly, flitting from person to person. Although she was “stuck with mom” through all the days of her childhood, she doesn’t know a stranger in the world. I find that somewhat terrifying! lol

Living out that experience with her has taught me that I can trust my instincts. Supporting her personality and character as it develops has taught me that most things even out in time. I am not here to micromanage these children to death. (That is hard to remember sometimes!) I am here to nurture their natural abilities and ease them into the world, ready to go.

Say what you will, we are doing the right thing by supporting this baby in becoming comfortable on her own timeline. Albeit quite literally sometimes, I have her back. I always have, and she is already more outgoing than she was a few months ago. She is gaining confidence at her own speed in her own way, with our support. That is ultimately what will give her the security to venture out on her own. I am okay with that. 

 Parenting is just not as by-the-book as it once was. In many cases, the book has been proven wrong. These days, it takes a different way of thinking. Whatever your way is, I am sure it is right for your kids. <3 They were given to you for a reason.

Moms Who Breastfeed Too Long

This morning I saw another mother get harshly shamed and berated for nursing her toddler “too long”. The child in question is about to be three years old. While I DO get the reaction of shock and maybe surprise or being somewhat grossed out, I loudly disagree with the anger and outcry she faced. One of the most over-used arguments against full term BF was given: “If the baby is old enough TO ASK FOR IT, it is JUST WRONG!”

Let me put it this way. That is both tiresome and incorrect. For one, every baby from first breath on is ‘old enough to ask for it’. Maybe they don’t use words to do so, but we've all seen the rooting instinct kick in. So, news flash! Your infant 'asks for it' every time she cries or nuzzles at your shirt.

Secondly, I have to ask: at what point do a woman's breasts magically revert from nourishment to sexual objects? That IS what we are saying, is it not? That up to age one, this is a nourishing baby. Age two, okay, we’ll begrudgingly concede that the World Health Organization (WHO) recommends nursing to age two for all the benefits.

Aha! But, due to a lack of research, we shall (probably ignorantly) assume that by the time the child is over age two and approaching three or more breast milk IMMEDIATELY loses all nutritional value, and the mother is somehow subjecting her child to her incestuous and unnatural desires for continued bonding. The criminal! The pedophile! The utterly disgusting woman, foisting her sex orbs onto her child like that! Oh, blech! Icky! Poo! SOMEONE CALL CPS!!!

That seems a bit much, but I literally saw the word incest and MANY references to the sexuality of breasts in the comments, and they all had the same tone of my exaggerated paragraph.  It made me sad because as time goes on the studies that are finally and slowly being done always come up with the same result – longer is good! Longer is better! Extended BF (or full term, which is a nicer thing to say) IS GOOD for the child. It can help prevent things down the road like diabetes and childhood (or even later, adult) obesity.

Bottom-lining it, in my own opinion it DOES make me uncomfortable to see an older child nursing. I believe this is primarily because I was taught that it was wrong. But from ‘behind the curtain’, nursing M (as I have no previous long term experience) has been fulfilling for us both. She is far healthier than we experienced with B, and I like to think some of that is her breastmilk. When she’s sick and won’t take anything else, she’ll nurse – and keep it down. I like to think that helps. No matter what the malady (bump, scratch, fall, tired, upset), I can “stick a boob in it”, and she is instantly comforted.

From my point of view, this is a pair-bond God gave us, and will continue until she stops it. Because, get this, children do naturally wean themselves. There is no magic age where we wake up one day and I’m shoving sex-sacks in her face. As long as she is nursing (and I am producing), breastfeeding remains a nutritional thing. Now, were she to start pushing away and saying “No!” I’d be wrong to try to keep forcing it on her. In the meantime, she’s getting milky white insurance for her future, health-wise. I’m getting a little longer to hold her closer to my heart.

So, whatever age it become “gross” to other people, maaaybe I’ll go underground with it (I doubt it, because that implies that shame is earned), but in the meantime, be prepared because I absolutely reject this “wean the baby or you’re a pervert” ideology, and will not stand to hear it. Not for myself, or for any other momma.

I forgot to mention that a child doesn’t recognize these breasts that she’s eaten from as sexual objects at a certain point, either. She doesn’t wake up one morning and think “Mommy’s NAKED!” and get all pervy. There is PLENTY of time to teach her about nudity and how to be completely ashamed of the body God gave her, oh yes. *loads of snark*

But then, I’m not likely to be ‘that mom’, either. I’m far more likely to teach her that her body is beautiful. That she was created in the image of God. That we respect and treat our bodies as well as we possibly can (stepping on my own two feet right here, absolutely).

Then, get this – when she’s older I am 100% likely to teach her what her body parts are called (GASP!) and even worse, I’ll probably give her a sex talk that is POSITIVE instead of negative, and which hopefully empowers her to walk into her marriage (Lord willing) confident that she is about to have a wonderful and good experience with her husband. I actually WANT her to enjoy what God has given her.

Oh, crap. I am probably going to have grandchildren she raises the same way… what IS this world coming to?   

Blogging Again!

Alright, so I am aware that I have been blog hopping and experimenting ever since the very unforgiving blogger.com decided to make getting into an old blog completely impossible.

Consider this post one: a "get it out of the way" post if there ever was one. :) Now here's hoping I never forget my password! lol