An Open Letter to my Giraffe

My Dear Giraffe,

     I always intend to sit down and write you a letter, yet for some reason it seems the hardest thing to actually do. There are too many words, too many thoughts, and too many emotions to fit neatly into a letter. Yet, to simply say "I love you." wouldn't be nearly enough. 

     How do I convey that I still see in your blue eyes the sweet, sweet girl who made me mommy? 

     How do I communicate all of the angst and struggle in the three years that led up to having you, or the way the emotional pain we had been through was soothed away in a single breath?

     From the day we saw the positive pregnancy test, you were my entire heart and priority. The world has never looked the same, and I am so thankful that it never will. We knew you were a girl, and even though we'd been through some losses, we called around the family immediately to let you know that you were on your way! It hurt to hear people tell us to be cautious because I KNEW that firmly that you were here and were sticking around! :)

     For a very sweet seven years you were my sole focus. I was able to place my arms around you any time I wanted, and if you needed mommy you had my undivided attention. We had an idyllic existence and an unbroken partnership all day every day. You still bring me this kind of joy. <3

     I remember July of 2012, watching you color on my very pregnant belly with dry erase markers while your new baby sister rolled and kicked beneath the felt tip. I was thinking (with a lump in my throat) that these were our last precious days together as just you and me, and I admit, even in that joyous time of adding to our family the sister you had so longed for, I felt a twinge of loss. 

     Eighteen months later I sometimes still experience that same twinge - not that we have actually lost some of ourselves, but a twinge of longing to hold you a little more often... a little longer. I suppose that all children grow a little further away from their mothers, and this knowledge makes me treasure even more the time that we do spend together. Those seven years, rich with Mommy and Giraffe time were the best. :) :) :) 

     Today was just a little bit rough. You've become more emotional the last few months. I am told with a laugh that it is the approach of the 'tween' years, and that we're just going to love it. lol Even though we have had those heartfelt talks lately about how it is okay to be emotional, and how we handle those new bouts of emotion, it is still hard on my mother's heart to see you feel sad - even if it is over something as silly as picking up your things when you'd rather be daydreaming in your room or playing with hermit crabs. :) 

     So, please let me apologize. I am sorry for griping at you after I had to repeat myself yet again to keep you focused on the task at hand. I so do not want to waste these fleeting years micro-managing your budding housekeeping skills and other behaviors. It is my job to see to it that you can take care of yourself, but some days I get a little lost in the doing. This afternoon was one of those times. Please accept my sincere apology. Not only the one I already offered this afternoon, but should you read this some day and remember a mom who griped too much... well, I truly am very sorry. 

    You really are my giraffe, you know. I get that we chose that theme for the little Koala when she came along, but you took a liking to it, and it suits you so well. I see you get taller and I think of your elegant frame as the slender neck of a giraffe. Your movements are graceful, as are theirs. Your eyes hold a peace and depth like giraffe eyes do. 

     Whatever happens in life, you are now and forever the girl who made me 'mom'. You are my very heart and soul, and I breathe for your happiness. I have never forgotten the broken baby in the incubator in the NICU. I've never forgotten the unhappy infant at the PT's office for therapy on your Erb's Palsy injury. Neither have I forgotten the so-blonde little two year old who brought endless delight to all around her, or the three year old dancing on her daddy's feet to Cinderella. All of those precious versions of my girl (and a million others), and somehow she has become this lovely, wise little giraffe, still taking in the world but also asserting her wish to be involved in making it better. 

    I am so proud of you. I am so moved by you. I am so in love with you. 

<3 Happy Valentine's Day <3