My dad has been gone from this earth for nineteen days today, counting the day he passed (since he passed just over a half hour after midnight). I find myself in the emotional aftermath yet, as I am sure we all do. Lately, I've been a mix of depressed and hurt.
Truthfully, I do not know what to do with all of the hurt yet. It wraps me up like the coils of a boa constrictor, tightening at times until all breath escapes me. Other times, denial sneaks in for a turn and I feel completely shocked all over again that this beautiful person has left the earth without us.
Anger has made an appearance a time or two, although not that often or for long durations. I've had a few moments where I wonder why my dad was chosen for this horrifying death instead of someone far uglier or horrible. It is an ugly thought; one which I strive to brush away as quickly as possible.
Sadness from the movie "Inside Out" seems to be running the story in my brain. Everything is tinged a slight blue or, more accurately, gray. I lose my colors when I am deeply sad.
I don't believe that I have any bargaining left in me at this point. I wouldn't bring him back to his degenerated body, even if I could.
I *do* wish heartily that I could speak to him again. :'(
How do people get through this every single day? Where does one put all of the hurt? I don't know. For now, it is one foot in front of the other. I suppose it will be that way for a while.
Truthfully, I do not know what to do with all of the hurt yet. It wraps me up like the coils of a boa constrictor, tightening at times until all breath escapes me. Other times, denial sneaks in for a turn and I feel completely shocked all over again that this beautiful person has left the earth without us.
Anger has made an appearance a time or two, although not that often or for long durations. I've had a few moments where I wonder why my dad was chosen for this horrifying death instead of someone far uglier or horrible. It is an ugly thought; one which I strive to brush away as quickly as possible.
Sadness from the movie "Inside Out" seems to be running the story in my brain. Everything is tinged a slight blue or, more accurately, gray. I lose my colors when I am deeply sad.
I don't believe that I have any bargaining left in me at this point. I wouldn't bring him back to his degenerated body, even if I could.
I *do* wish heartily that I could speak to him again. :'(
How do people get through this every single day? Where does one put all of the hurt? I don't know. For now, it is one foot in front of the other. I suppose it will be that way for a while.
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