I realize that my posts of late have been themed a lot toward my dad and what he and my family are going through on our new journey into life with ALS. I cannot help that, so much. It is constantly on my mind. I know that they can also be a little bit dark. There are those scary thoughts and emotions tumbling through. I thought today could use a little bit of sunshine, as it were. :) Here is a (maybe short) list of some of the good that has come along with the bad.
1. Love.
We have a chance to tell our dad/husband/uncle/brother/son/friend how dearly he is loved in this world. He gets to know that he matters. He gets to know *why* he matters and what a difference he makes in our lives. We get to tell him how much we love him.
2. Goodbye
We get to tell him goodbye. This is a privilege not everyone gets. By the time his soul leaves his body, we will have told him goodbye in a thousand ways. Sure, we aren't always saying the word. However, I believe in some way that every time we talk to him - no matter how normal the conversation - we are also saying a little piece of our goodbye.
3. Family
This kind of experience hits all of us in different ways at different moments. There are stressors like crazy. Through all of it, there is the drawing closer of our already-tightly-knit family. My sisters and mother, who I already love and would kill for, mean the world more to me now than before. I am clamping my heart tightly around each. We are hanging onto one another for dear life.
4. Faith
I resist the idea that faith is personified in being okay and looking okay. I resist the idea that a person's testimony is at risk if they show how vulnerable and aching they are inside. To the contrary, verses through the Bible remind us that He is our strength during our weakness. We are reminded to lean on one another, to bear one another's burden. I do not trust people who put a high value on looking put-together even among their closest friends. These are not honest people. I hurt for them, closing themselves off from comfort. My faith is a rock, an anchor, a grounding point in a rough time. When I am not calm, my father is with me. This experience challenges and cements that faith in ways other points in my life have not.
5. Friends
Grief is awkward. It is awkward during and after any traumatic event. Grief will bring friends closer or drive them away. People contact you to tell you that you are loved or thought of. They come out of nowhere to support you. Going through this experience feels very isolating sometimes, it is true, but it also reminds us that we are not truly alone. There are people out there who care.
6. Prayer
As if life itself wasn't hard enough to keep a person on their knees, along comes ALS. There is no specific way to pray. Sometimes you can only say a word ("Help!). Other times, my heart comes tumbling out in a million words and thoughts. Prayer is good for the soul. Prayer comforts. Prayer calms. Prayer breathes when the soul is suffocating.
7. Children
My babies have been precious beyond words from the years I lived before they ever came along. They are infinitely more precious to me now. I am determined to begin to take care of myself for their sakes.
8. Health
Number seven brought me to this one. This experience is teaching me that we don't always end up with expected illnesses. How careless I have been to allow my body to become so unhealthy. It truly does affect them. Pray me some strength on that one, because this is a struggle I've had now for years.
9. Memories
Living with such a harsh reality makes the memories we have already made with my dad, my parents, and my family as a whole so much sweeter. It makes each new memory that much more invaluable and coveted.
10. Time
You've heard all of the cliches about time before. You already know that it is precious. Time right now is at a premium and we are all so very aware of it. It is a highly-valued currency more precious than gold. May we spend it wisely.
Anyway, that is all I have right this minute. I know there are more, but I really do have to run. This experience is painful on so many levels. Admitting that doesn't mean that I don't see the good. Hurting doesn't indicate a lack of trust or faith. Admitting to the things I fear does not mean that I am not also begging God for His mercy and seeing it where it shows itself.
We (my family) are leaning heavily on the Lord, each other, friends, and family to get through this thing. It is tragic and beautiful. May we ever draw closer to one another and to God. May He be merciful to us all. May you, reader, see this and understand that we have not given up. <3
We have started a GoFundMe Campaign on my parents' behalf. Please consider sharing it on social media.
1. Love.
We have a chance to tell our dad/husband/uncle/brother/son/friend how dearly he is loved in this world. He gets to know that he matters. He gets to know *why* he matters and what a difference he makes in our lives. We get to tell him how much we love him.
2. Goodbye
We get to tell him goodbye. This is a privilege not everyone gets. By the time his soul leaves his body, we will have told him goodbye in a thousand ways. Sure, we aren't always saying the word. However, I believe in some way that every time we talk to him - no matter how normal the conversation - we are also saying a little piece of our goodbye.
3. Family
This kind of experience hits all of us in different ways at different moments. There are stressors like crazy. Through all of it, there is the drawing closer of our already-tightly-knit family. My sisters and mother, who I already love and would kill for, mean the world more to me now than before. I am clamping my heart tightly around each. We are hanging onto one another for dear life.
4. Faith
I resist the idea that faith is personified in being okay and looking okay. I resist the idea that a person's testimony is at risk if they show how vulnerable and aching they are inside. To the contrary, verses through the Bible remind us that He is our strength during our weakness. We are reminded to lean on one another, to bear one another's burden. I do not trust people who put a high value on looking put-together even among their closest friends. These are not honest people. I hurt for them, closing themselves off from comfort. My faith is a rock, an anchor, a grounding point in a rough time. When I am not calm, my father is with me. This experience challenges and cements that faith in ways other points in my life have not.
5. Friends
Grief is awkward. It is awkward during and after any traumatic event. Grief will bring friends closer or drive them away. People contact you to tell you that you are loved or thought of. They come out of nowhere to support you. Going through this experience feels very isolating sometimes, it is true, but it also reminds us that we are not truly alone. There are people out there who care.
6. Prayer
As if life itself wasn't hard enough to keep a person on their knees, along comes ALS. There is no specific way to pray. Sometimes you can only say a word ("Help!). Other times, my heart comes tumbling out in a million words and thoughts. Prayer is good for the soul. Prayer comforts. Prayer calms. Prayer breathes when the soul is suffocating.
7. Children
My babies have been precious beyond words from the years I lived before they ever came along. They are infinitely more precious to me now. I am determined to begin to take care of myself for their sakes.
8. Health
Number seven brought me to this one. This experience is teaching me that we don't always end up with expected illnesses. How careless I have been to allow my body to become so unhealthy. It truly does affect them. Pray me some strength on that one, because this is a struggle I've had now for years.
9. Memories
Living with such a harsh reality makes the memories we have already made with my dad, my parents, and my family as a whole so much sweeter. It makes each new memory that much more invaluable and coveted.
10. Time
You've heard all of the cliches about time before. You already know that it is precious. Time right now is at a premium and we are all so very aware of it. It is a highly-valued currency more precious than gold. May we spend it wisely.
Anyway, that is all I have right this minute. I know there are more, but I really do have to run. This experience is painful on so many levels. Admitting that doesn't mean that I don't see the good. Hurting doesn't indicate a lack of trust or faith. Admitting to the things I fear does not mean that I am not also begging God for His mercy and seeing it where it shows itself.
We (my family) are leaning heavily on the Lord, each other, friends, and family to get through this thing. It is tragic and beautiful. May we ever draw closer to one another and to God. May He be merciful to us all. May you, reader, see this and understand that we have not given up. <3
We have started a GoFundMe Campaign on my parents' behalf. Please consider sharing it on social media.
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