When Toil and Trouble Meeting

"Help me, Lord, when toil and trouble meeting,
E'er to take as from the Father's hand.
One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,

'Til I reach the Promised Land"

Walking through the "valley of the shadow of death" with someone you love tremendously is one of the hardest things we do in this life. As a person of faith, you work hard to believe that there could be a miracle waiting in the wings. As a human being, you are acutely aware of what the words 'fatal disease' mean. 

This song, "Day by Day" (by A.L. Skoog), speaks to the believer's heart like few others. In fact, it can minister to the soul better than a sermon on the right days. Today is one such day. These lines in particular tug at my heartstrings because it seems like so many of my prayers for my dad have flooded from my heart in paragraphs innumerable. Yet, when it comes to my lips, I have simply been reduced to, "God, help!"

I do still manage long prayers regularly. They are just disjointed and sloppy. It is like when I talk to my friends. When I am asked how we are doing, everything comes out in a jumble. My emotions, thoughts, fears, concerns, and efforts to piece these all together come bubbling out in a myriad of expressions that feels like the emotional aftermath of a trauma. The only thing is, we are not in the aftermath yet. We are in the present and the trials are at hand.

...when toil and trouble meeting...

We are in the midst of trouble. We are toiling to get through it. My dad is the one who has a terminal illness but it feels to all of us as though we are all dying. Grief is like that, I think. There is a living grief and a death grief. We are right now in the living grief.

This song reminds me to keep looking up. It reminds me that when I cannot feel strong enough to have hope or faith, I don't actually have to have those things. God has those things for me. He is the interceder. He is making prayers on my behalf when I cannot speak the words from my own lips. 

I think of my little koala. She is getting so big but is yet just a tiny person. I think of the way she longs to spend her day on my lap or in my arms. Every time her eyes meet mine, she smiles. She has that innocent trust that everything is better just because she has looked up and found me looking back. Oh, to always look at God like that! *tears*

That is how it is, you know, this valley of the shadow of death. We are constantly hanging onto one another, yes, but we are also constantly looking up. Is God still there? Yes. Does He still feel this? Yes. Does He see the pain? Yes. Is this situation truly in His hands? Yes!

The answer is a million times "YES!" because things this big cannot be taken from the hands of God. 

"One by one, the days, the moments fleeting,
'Til I reach the Promised Land."

We are walking a horrible road right now. All of the faith in the world cannot erase the fact that this is very painful. Holding onto one another helps. Looking to God and seeing that He is still looking back. The promise - that eternal promise that we will see one another again someday, no matter who goes first - helps. Time is short. Days, moments are precious. Time is a currency. Spend it where it matters.